Well, I’m baaaacccckkk! So first let me apologize for my disappearance. It was an amazing year with an adorable, sweet, loving guy…well up until the point when I realized that he wasn’t actually any of those things and was actually just selfish and cheap, but you’ll have that, right? So Katie still hasn’t been caught, and to the delight of many of my friends I’m sure, that means it’s time to put myself out there in the dating pool again. Well, my friends aren’t delighted I was heartbroken (and I mean in the pits, heart literally feeling like it was ripping out of my chest), but I’m happy now that I can entertain again with my dating expeditions! I’m delighted I can entertain after how wonderful my friends were to me, I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have such amazing friends. And who needs guys when you have friends right? Well, I need guys, so that I can start with my storytelling. And my first date back is a doozy…
So my dear friend Ray encouraged me to get back out there on my feet through the app called Tinder. When I first was shown this site I was horrified, you skim through a bunch of pictures of me and swipe right if you like them, left if you don’t- all based purely on pictures and maybe a few sentences about themselves at the most. What is awesome about the whole process is after you swipe left to say you like them, a little black screen will sometimes pop up to let you know that the guy liked your picture too. In fact, the only way that someone can even contact you further, through email swapping, is if you have liked each other’s pictures. And if at any time you decide they are a major creeper (trust me, I have discovered this quite often) you can unmatch them, and then they can’t contact you again. I swear, it’s the best app ever, so just mind-numbingly easy; swipe swipe swipe as I’m sitting through commercials. Swipe swipe swipe while I’m on hold on the phone. And what I immediately realized after signing up for this app, is that it is such an ego boost. While I was sitting around mopping about my being dumped by the guy who I mistakenly thought of as “the one” I could have been getting instant ego gratification by seeing that guys who I found attractive where saying the same about me. In fact, I thought there must have been a bug at first with the system, because EVERYONE I was swiping right to had apparently swiped right with me. Not every guy was sending me messages, but I was happy with my 1 out of 6 or so that were. And thus begins the ensuing adventures of Catching Katie.
So the first guy that I met up with, I’m gonna call him Rod, was a guy that I had been exchanging messages with for maybe 4 days. I’ve decided I’m not gonna waste as much time beating around the bush this time around, when tons of guys don’t end up panning out well, it seems silly to put in so much hope in these guys who are completely different in person than through texting. So back to Rod, he and I had been exchanging a lot of messages about World Cup, so we decided to meet up at a bar to watch the USA vs. Belgium game.
I arrived at the bar first and was waiting on a bench when I got a text from him “I just drove by a hottie waiting on a bench, parking now”. Well, that’s a nice way to start, I thought to myself. Once inside we ordered drinks, and Rod ordered red wine and me beer. A few minutes before I left for the bar had Rod texted me telling me that 1) he hoped I was going to be wearing a dress and heels, and 2) that his friend Pat was going to be meeting up with us too. Both things that I thought were peculiar, telling a girl what to wear before you’ve ever even met her and having two boys to one girl on a first date? Weird, but I’d deal with it. Once arrived Rod did tell me he approved of my outfit (he also told me he liked his girls in hoop earrings and with their hair pulled halfback- I wondered what else I’d need approval on if we continued to see each other), but something I didn’t approve of was how often he was on his phone while we were sitting there. He told me he was on a fantasy World Cup team and needed to check in- which apparently meant every 3 minutes; I even went so far to tell him that it wasn’t very polite for him to be on his phone so much- not that it resulted in a change from Rod. He may have been nervous because he was very sweet to me, and when we did talk it was good conversation, he told me he couldn’t understand why I was single, and that he would have married me by now if we had met earlier (probably wanted help with the phone bills and to help me pick out my outfits).
About a half hour after our arrival, Rod’s friend Pat showed up at the bar. We were seated at a round table with three chairs facing a TV on the wall. I was in the middle chair, so I told Rod I was going to scoot over so that Pat could sit by him, hoping he’d also move over a chair. But he didn’t, so I was left sitting on the right of Pat, who was in the middle of Rod and I…so much for that first date. And that pretty much did signify the end of the date with Rod because the rest of the soccer game, Pat spent more time talking to me than Rod did, and Rod continued to be on his phone every few minutes- something even his friend commented on. Pat was nice, I enjoyed talking to him, but when he continuously touched my arm and even put his head on my shoulder at one point, I wondered if he realized that I was on a date with his friend- or was I being set up with Pat?? Pat even asked us if we were on a date at one point- and Rod responded that no we weren’t- which was news to me, but I chalked that response up to Rod not wanting to admit that we had never met prior, which was confirmed when he told Pat that we had met at a grocery store. “Yes”- I agreed, “we were picking out watermelons”. “Crazy!” said Pat to Rod, “I thought you were allergic”. That’s why a lie should be discussed ahead of time. A bit later I excused myself to the bathroom and when I returned, Rod was clearly fuming about something. It was my turn to check my cell phone, where I saw there was a message from Rod. “This is messed up!” he wrote. “You invited him- not me”, I responded. “Do you know he suggested a threesome while you were gone?” he texted back to me. Well then- things have definitely changed.
I decided then that if Rod wasn’t going to take charge of the situation I would, and I asked Pat to switch seats with me. He must have realized the faux pas he had made because he left about 10 minutes later (with a big, lingering hug to me before he departed and a high five to Rod), however after his leave, our conversation didn’t go so well, and there seemed to be no pacifying Rod about the situation. I know that I’m definitely flirtatious, but I do it more out of friendliness that out of a desire to date the person, and besides, Pat was obviously interested in getting to know me, Rod could’ve stepped in at any time, so I didn’t feel too bad. The other thing we realized after Pat left was that he didn’t pay his bill. Rod asked for the bill and when the waiter brought one, I told him he could split it, and put my beers on my card, and Rod had a $50 for his and Pat’s share. However, the waiter misunderstood and used Rod’s cash to pay for everything, and used my card for the remainder. Rod hadn’t been too friendly to the server all night, but I told him it was okay, and didn’t want to make a fuss. Rod then asked to take a quick walk around the shopping center next to the bar, which was okay with me since we had had some good convo in the beginning of the date, maybe this whole ordeal could be rectified. But when Rod decided that he wanted a smoothie and demanded that I pay for it at the cash register, I decided it was definitely time to cut my losses and head home. So to the parking garage we walked, where we noticed that we had parked just a few cars away from each other. His car was closest, so we walked to it, and when I went in for the goodbye hug, he asked me if I wanted to sit in the car for a few minutes. Well, I’m a pretty smart girl, so I figured that he was wanting some kisses, and I definitely wasn’t feeling that at all, so I told him no and turned to leave. But then Rod, dear sweet, gentlemanly Rod, grabbed my arm and said to me (and I can’t make this sort of thing up) “shafty sucky, sucky?” We were in a parking garage, where the acoustics aren’t the greatest, and there were people walking around, so I thought I must have heard him wrong, so I asked him to repeat, and sure enough “shafty sucky sucky” is what I heard again. This from a 27 year old- did he really think that would work? Do girls out there actually say yes? So, I turned and walked away without a goodbye (not that he deserved one) only to have him yell after me “but who’s going to suck my balls?” (I should’ve have thought to suggest Pat) Rod did text me the next day, but shockingly enough, I did not respond. As appalled as I was at the time, I have to laugh about what an idiotic man-child I had managed to find to go out with on my re-entering of the single world. Welcome back Catching Katie, I’m sure there’s a lot more exciting stories to come.