Since my break up with Mr. Almost-Perfect, I’m still single, and I’ve decided I want to take a little break from guys for a while; however, that didn’t stop me from seeing a blast from my past. I’m almost afraid to tell everyone about this encounter, especially since I’m going to see some of my best friends this weekend, and I know I may be in for a butt-kicking. I received a phone call a little over a month ago from Mr. Super-Ex, aptly named because he was thus far the love of my life, my ex-fiancé who broke my heart when he cheated on me and called off our wedding. That was over four years ago and we have kept in touch since then, and he was calling to tell me that he was going to be home for a break from his job in Afghanistan. Mr. Super-Ex was a Marine when we were together, and had been deployed three times in his career before and while I knew him. In fact, when he cheated on me, he had just returned from a year deployment, and I remember even my mother commenting after he returned that he just seemed a little off, but he always insisted that he was fine, and we were in the wrap-up stages of our wedding plans. I remember going to visit him when he was stationed and living (and where I was set to move after our wedding) in North Carolina, and he seemed so distant (and we ironically went and saw the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” at the theatre) and not himself, and just a few days later my intuition told me something had happened. He called and I could tell something was wrong in his voice, and it wasn’t long before he broke down and admitted that he had cheated. It was the darkest moment in my life- I had to take off school and even made myself physically sick because I was so hurt. The only positive thing that came out of the whole thing- and don’t start throwing things at the computer- is how Mr. Super-Ex treated me through the whole thing. Sure- he cheated on me and said he wasn’t ready to get married, but he never once blamed me for anything, admitting it was all his fault and what an idiot he was. He sent money to pay for half of everything in the wedding and apologized profusely. A couple of months after we broke up I saw him in Dayton again, to exchange belongings, and there was no denying that there was still something there. We went out to dinner, drank wine, had a long intense talk, and had a great walk home from the restaurant. After that point he was begging me to take him back and come live with him in North Carolina, and I actually started considering getting back together with him; I even visited him in North Carolina, but the biggest thing was that I couldn’t physically touch or be touched by him- I just didn’t want to do that after what he had done to me. It was when my dear friend from England came to visit, and I wasn’t missing him while we were on our road trip, that I decided I couldn’t get back together with him.
So the years have passed, and Mr. Super-Ex and I have stayed in touch (sometimes frequently and sometimes not-so-frequently) throughout. The roughest time I had throughout us staying in contact was when he decided to get back together, and eventually marry, the woman he cheated on me with. I wasn’t prepared for how bad it hurt when I found out he had gotten married, even though I knew I didn’t want to be with him. He had even told me that he married her to make sense of the fact that because he cheated with her, he wasn’t with me. He still says that now (and of course it didn’t work out with her), though it doesn’t help matters at all. Just over a year ago I saw Mr. Super-Ex, just before he left for his deployment, and we had a good time, but I avoided seeing him during his first leave. Actually, Mr. Super-Ex isn’t in the military anymore, he got out and now works for a contractor company, and he says that he likes it better, and I have to admit, he seems more like his old self, the man I first fell for, instead of the ill at ease military man. And while a lot of my friends hate Mr. Super-Ex, I will always say that he isn’t a bad guy. Sure, what he did was awful (and the fact that he married her makes it even tougher for me), but I don’t hate him the way I do the only other person I loved- Mr. Pigpen- who I work with and who I dated in secret for almost a year. In secret because he was separated, then going through a divorce, and then divorced- at least that is what he said, and I now know it was all a lie. Mr. Pigpen just had a baby with his happy wife this week, which is crazy since we just broke up a little over a year ago- speedy recovery and reuniting- he’s an awful person, and I’ve never been able to think of Mr. Super-Ex as so appalling.
So when Mr. Super-Ex called and told me he was going to be in town, I agreed to see him. The first night I hung out with him, I let him take me to the nicest restaurant around me, The Ocean Club, and he went all out- we ordered a bottle of wine, an appetizer, our meals and dessert. It was the nicest meal I’d had in a while (especially coming off a guy who complained about buying me a burger), and not just the food, but the conversation and company was nice, so after the meal we went and had drinks. The tough thing about Mr. Super-Ex is that we still have this ease when we’re together, we know each other, he knew what wine I like, my love for chocolate, he knows how to make me smile, he understands what makes me upset, and he knows when I say one thing and mean other. It’s just easy, and fun, and did I mention that he still looks super good to me? That attraction is definitely still there, and that’s why the next morning (yes, he stayed over, but in a different room) at breakfast, I really freaked out and told him I couldn’t talk to him anymore. I was taking the advice from some friends, who said if I didn’t know for sure that I wanted to be with him, I had to cut him off completely. And it is so confusing, I enjoy being around him so much, but I still have the problem where I didn’t even want a hug from him. But at the same time, I feel like I have so many problems with the guys I date because I compare them to Mr. Super-Ex and they never match up. We had such a good relationship prior to our break-up and I’ve never dated anyone who just seems to get me like he does. Maybe there isn’t anyone who I will have such a strong connection with, and I’ll even admit that during my road trip with Mr. Almost-Perfect, I was thinking about Mr. Super-Ex a lot, and thinking about how much fun the trip would be if he was there; he was always so good at being goofy with me, and finding and planning adventures was something we always were great at. When we were together we would meet halfway between North Carolina and Ohio in the back woods of West Virginia, but still always could find fun things to do (the best weekend was when we found a wildflower farm, wild animal petting zoo and winery all in one day- who would’ve thought that would all be in West Virginia), so I think it is still completely true that I have never had a relationship that had everything that Mr. Super-Ex and I had, and it scares me still that despite the fact that we had all that, he didn’t want to be with me then. No wonder I have so many relationship issues, right?
Me and Mr. Super-Ex at the zoo
So I told Mr. Super-Ex that I didn’t want to see or talk to him again, but that lasted only a couple days. And I don’t know how I let it happen, but I ended up having a hooky day from work to hang out with Mr. Super-Ex. We spent another two days together, going out to eat, and spending a day at the zoo, and it just made it harder and harder to say goodbye to him again. I still never had any physical contact with him during those days, but I will admit that for the first time I definitely started to have the urge to hold his hand or touch him when he was close, I fought that urge though, and now he is back in Afghanistan. Like I said, I know some of my friends will be upset at me because of these confessions, but I can’t deny that thing that still exists between Mr. Super-Ex and me. Perhaps we will only be friends, but I can’t forget the feeling that I may never find that thing that exists between the two of us with anyone else. What if he is the only one who can Catch Katie???
Maybe I should just stick to animals- they’re easy to figure out
